Life is Beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was an animal. I wish I had no feelings and emotions. I didn’t care what happens to others; didn’t care where I was going or what I was doing. My only worry was to survive. Didn’t worry about respect, religion, work, friendship, family, education, money, marriage, health, happiness, self-satisfaction, love, trust, kindness, death…

It’s very sad how people try to take advantage of others. It’s very sad that people only see the material things you have and forget who you really are. It’s very sad that humans are become more selfish every day. It’s a very sad world…

But I see some people struggling to survive; when I see people not giving up and fighting evil, it brightens my day. That is when I remind myself that Life is Beautiful.

A New Beginning ?

I have been lazing off and taking things easy since last week. The long weekend due to the National Day here was a bonus as well. Not doing much felt so good. Am I becoming lazy or is this something normal?

It has been exactly 44 days that I am here and I have already changed so much. To the better? Who knows? This weekend I had time to sit and reflect on where I was and where I am and how I am living my life; for some reason I felt I was not being true to myself; but is that really how I feel? Or are they how someone made me feel.

I was thinking of how out going, loud, hyper, liberal, active and crazy I was and now how quiet (at least compared to before), conservative, lazy and boring I have become.

Am I being true to myself? Or maybe it was meant for me to be here for this side of me to take over?

People still think I’m crazy for taking the decision to come to Abu Dhabi. Am I? or is it them who are too caught up in the world to understand why I’m here?

Here is a picture of maybe my new beginning…

Weddings

I have been in the UAE for a little more than a month now and have already been to three different weddings. There is a lot of difference between the weddings here and in Bahrain. The weddings here are filled with food; since the time we arrive till we leave we eat. When you first take a seat, there are appetizers on the table; appetizers consisting of hummus, moutable, spring rolls, samboosa, salad, sweets … At the same time you have women walking around serving western coffee, Arabic coffee, juices, tea, hot milk with herbs, sweets, chocolates, perfumes …

Dinner is served around 10 pm; this includes different types of rice, harees, grills, salad and much more. After dinner the bride enters (usually alone) and walks around showing off her hair-do, make-up and gown (more of a fashion show than a bride walking to her seat). After she takes her seat, friends and close family go to her and congratulate her and take pictures. While this is happening, guess what is going around??? Dessert !!! Consisting of more than four to five different types of sweets.

One thing that is very different from Bahrain is that there is almost no dancing at the weddings. The women just sit around and chat and no one dances. Very rarely would you find a girl who is a direct family member dance.

So the first wedding I went to, I was very into the songs and had a huge urge to dance and so I got up and danced. It was a very stupid thing of me to do since I knew no one at the wedding and was just invited last minute to just see what Emirati weddings were like. Good thing I thought that no one knew me so it didn’t matter; next day at the college a girl comes up to me and tells me I look familiar. Turned out she was at the wedding and she made that clear by telling me that she saw me dance!!

Can’t wait for January to go back home for Bahraini weddings!!!

An Eye-Opening Day

Yesterday I went see one of my extended cousins and it was the most eye-opening day in my entire life. I learnt about a lot of things that I didn’t know existed to this extent in this part of the world. My cousin invited me for brunch with her friends at her house; this was an opportunity I didn’t want to miss. So I went to work early and tried to wrap up what I had to do for the day. I got to her house around 11.30 am and there was food almost everywhere (which by the way I realized is the centre of attention in almost everything that goes around here but that just another posting). The women were sitting around talking about their children and lives; things that I could not really relate to but loved to hear and discuss about. We later on moved out to the park and this is where the conversation heated up.

My cousin is in her early forties and has 5 girls (oldest being 14 and the youngest somewhere around 5 I guess). Her husband married another woman without telling her after 12 years of marriage; this basically destroyed her and everything in her life. I was trying to comfort her and make her feel powerful by telling her that he (her husband) is not worth wasting her time thinking/worrying/crying over. But it was all in vain; she really wanted to but she would tell me it is impossible and if I was in her shoes, I believe it would be the same for me as well.

A little about her; she basically only graduated from high school and never continued her education. She got married and was taken to another city (being Abu Dhabi since she is originally from Dubai) by him and since then has in some ways not enjoyed her life to the max. She is very pretty and sexy but yet her husband went for an older and uglier prostitute (I came to that conclusion based on her description of the female; based on my previous encounter with some women since I got here). Her husband forced her to cover her face and rejected every request from her to finish her education. She was not allowed to work and will never be allowed as long as she is staying in his house. She wakes up early in the morning to get her girls ready for school and goes back to bed after she sends them off. She wakes up around noon if she doesn’t have friends over and basically tries to pastime by watching TV or cooking. She is not allowed to leave the house under any circumstances without telling her husband a couple of days in advance. She has to share her husband with his new wife; which also by the way means sharing the little income he gets. She doesn’t want to get a divorce because she basically won’t be able to live. She can’t work even if she wanted to since she has almost no qualification. She cannot stay at her parents’ home because she has 5 daughters and can’t drag them everywhere she goes. So the only option she has is to remain where she is and try to survive for the sake of her daughters.

After talking for hours, turns out she is not the only one. There are a lot of women who live like this (her sister being another culprit with her husband marrying 2 more and not just one). It’s not just about the husbands getting second wives only; there are women who after marriage have to leave everything else in their lives for the sake of their husbands. What I understood from them is that women do not have the power to say no to men. The government does not protect them and mostly stands in favor of the men. The whole time I was with them, I wanted to hit the men so hard so they couldn’t have erections anymore.

I felt very useless and felt that I had not done anything meaningful in my life. Questions kept running in my mind like; do we have these problems in Bahrain as well? Is it possible that we do and I never knew about them? Is it actually to this extreme? What percent of the women actually live like this? How can I help? What resources can I use to try and help these women? Why do the men do this to their wives? Why do they do this to their children? Can a father be that selfish?

There are a lot of thoughts and ideas that are running in my head at the moment. Mixed emotions at the same time.

Angry at how selfish people can be.

Frustrated because I don’t have any immediate solutions.

Sad because I feel sorry for the children and how they are being dragged in all this.

Happy that I got to know about this issue (better late than never).

Hopeful because maybe I can be of some help with some of the ideas I have that hopefully I will have time to work on them while I am here.

And much more…

This posting might be the worst to read since my sentences are either too long or too short and some of them probably make no sense at all. But I had to write about it and I had to write about it NOW.

And I thought I had problems!@#$&?%@%!?#@

Taking things for granted

This morning when I came to work someone came and reported that one of the students lost her father and brother and so she had to leave the college. Later on I realized one of the supervisors did not show up today and later they told me that her brother passed away last night. He was only 35 years old and single; he just got a heart attack and that was it for him. As the girls in the office were discussing when to visit her to give their condolences, one of the other girls got a call that her sister passed away. What are the odds of having all these deaths in one day?

The whole department is quiet and everyone has somehow gone into their own zone. In terms of what I am thinking is only about home. What if something happens to one of my close ones? Will they tell me immediately? What if a certain person I cared for dearly passed away without me telling that person how much I really cared for them?

Sometimes we take things for granted. Specially me; I was believe that thinks will make their way and will eventually work out. But what if I lost someone without saying sorry for all the trouble I gave them; without letting them know how much I love them and would be willing to do whatever they want as long as they are happy.

I guess I have a lot of phone calls to do and Emails to send today. Who knows when someone might leave us, or when I will leave myself.

Abu Dhabi

So it’s been more than a week since I got here and there are so many things I want to talk about but I guess it would all be too much for one post.


Let’s start by Abu Dhabi itself. I’m starting to like this place; maybe some people might think it is very similar to Bahrain but I assure you it is not that similar from my current perspective. I think during my stay here I will be learning more about the lives of expatriates living in the GCC which I have thought of.


The other thing that I am starting to really like is the Abaya. For some reason I feel very comfortable wearing it; there were a couple of nights that I dressed up to go out but I ended up wearing the Abaya on top. I have always had the thought of becoming metahajiba/covering up (which I have already posted about) and I guess maybe with this experience I will have a clear opinion and understanding of what it is going to be like.

My mother calls me every day; her excuse in the beginning was because she was bored since my father was not in the country; but now that my father is back her excuse is that she wants to know if I’m still alive. It’s clear she misses me and wants to check up if I’m comfortable or not.

Last weekend, I met my family in Dubai and it was loads of fun. They were very excited to see me and so was I. Some of them came all the way from Sharjah and Abu Dhabi to see me and it felt so good. I spent most of the time at home with the family and didn’t want to go out. The next day we were invited to Ibrahim’s (one of the local Alumni) house who for lunch and then a gathering with all the AIESECers in the evening. Unfortunately I didn’t get to hang out with the @ers since I was busy learning from the MCs; but I did get time to spend with Ibrahim’s family at lunch and it was really nice. We talked about the reality of the country and about poverty in the country and how different it is from Bahrain. Exciting stuff; real eye opening conversations!!

The best thing in Dubai for me was Noora. She was one of my second cousin’s daughter and she is one sweet, bright & fun girl. She was shy in the beginning but once she got to know me better we had loads of fun together.

UAE

24.10.2007

So I’m finally in the UAE! The first night I got here, we went out with the Dubai members, interns & Alumni for dinner. It was good to see some old faces again and definitely good to meet some of the friends I have made in AIESEC UAE.

After dinner I and Stella headed to Abu Dhabi with Mohammed who is a new friend of AIESEC. At the beginning of the trip Stella comforted me by telling me that it wasn’t a long trip, she said it would last ONLY an hour. And I was like “and that is what you call a short drive?? Did you know that you can get from one side of Bahrain to the other in 1 hour!!?” Then we started talking about Bahrain and the population and how small it is.

On our way, Mohammed kept on talking to me in Arabic because he found it difficult to talk in English. Since Stella didn’t understand a thing that we said, she decided to fall asleep and we continued to talk about the UAE and how people lived and the relationship between locals and expatriates etc. Although Bahrain is in the GCC, I never imagined it would be this different from the UAE.

Anyways when we got the apartment, I got the shock of my life. I was speechless and all I could do was smile and act as if it was normal. I never knew this kind of apartment (or whatever they want to call it) existed. It was a huge apartment with 5 rooms and in each room there were 2 – 4 people depending on the size of the room. Our room was huge, it was almost empty except for 2 beds and 2 cupboards; one for me and the other for Stella and later on the CEEDer Reham. The rest of the night I couldn’t concentrate and didn’t know what to do. How was I going to live like this? No personal space? The apartment was a total mess. The location was great but the apartment was crappy and everything thing in it was even crappier. How could I tell my family I was living in a place like this? They would tell me to get the hell back home. I have to share the bathroom and kitchen and later on I found out that two random ladies will also be living with us so I will be sharing the room as well. The whole night I couldn’t sleep; I finally fell asleep at something like 3 am and woke up again at 6.30 am.

In the morning we got ready to go to an external event which was key for AIESEC Abu Dhabi. In this event we got to meet with a lot of externals who were mostly directors and top officials in their businesses as well as some people with a hell lot of money. The best part of the event was the Eric was there. Eric was the main person who started up AIESEC in Bahrain and now that I am in charge of expanding to Abu Dhabi, I again have Eric by my side. It was good to see him there; in some ways when I saw him, I was very comforted and knew that even if I could not depend on anyone here I would have him to depend on.

After the event, we headed to the Abu Dhabi women’s college where my office was going to be. When we got there, turned out there was a Nobel Prize winner coming to speak at the college. I don’t know what her name was, but we joined in and I watched one of the most inspirational people in front of me talk about her life and her struggle in Africa to get into parliament. After that, I got to meet the director of the university and some of the people I will be sharing the office with.

The whole day, people kept talking to me in English, I figured they thought I was Indian or something and it pissed me off. After getting home, I decided that I would wear the Abaya so that I get more of an Arab look and this morning it worked fine. When we got out of the building this morning and I was an Emirati guy looking at me, I knew it worked!!

Lets see how this experience goes…

Some Picture Memories of Iran

Iran

Filling my application to AD and looking into all the global strategies and structures was how I spent most of my time in Iran. I was very nervous with the application; questions like am I the right person? Is there someone who can do a better job than me? What the hell will I do there alone? ; kept running in my mind. All of these questions were answered when Jorein sent me my recommendation letter. The letter was so strong that I knew I was the right person for the job.

After a couple days after my first interview I headed off to Tehran to meet up the AIESECers there. It was one hell of a trip. The AIESECers were so motivated and thirsty to learn more. I was only there for a few days but every time I would meet up with them, they kept asking me how we did things in Bahrain and what I thought the best way would be. The thirst to learn more could be seen in their eyes and I was so happy and proud of them. AIESEC Iran will be facing a lot of difficulties for sure; they will have many challenges that maybe other countries haven’t faced due to their country reality but I am sure that with the members that are running the show it will all be possible. One the best things I like about the AIESECers there was that when they ask for your advise they actually listen to it and use some of it; which is something very rare.

Ramadan in Tehran was a bit different for me. The first we were having meetings in a park and for iftar two international students one from the Philippines and the other from Ireland joined us. We had ‘ash’ (kind of a soup) and tea to break our fast and then moved on to a restaurant for rice and kebabs. It was a wonderful evening filled with meaningful talk and a lot to learn. Although the two guys were not from AIESEC, the beauty of AIESEC was proved to me again. We were a group of 3 Germans, an Iranian, a Philippine, an Irish and a Bahraini having iftar together in Iran. Beautiful.

I returned back to Shiraz with Jonas, Jane and Gert and spent two wonderful days with them sightseeing and experiencing Shiraz. For me one of the best places we went was ‘Shah Cheraq’ which is a mosque where a very religious person is buried. While entering one of the guards asked if they were Muslim and my Aunt confidently answered ‘yes, yes they are Muslims’ (apparently non-Muslims were not allowed in which I think is a stupid thing to do). It was beautiful inside and best of all it was very peaceful; I wanted to cry for no reason.

After the guys left, I had a couple of days left for my family and I tried to make the most out of it. We went together for picnics after iftar, went Karting with the cousins who were very funny since some of them couldn’t drive, ate junk off the street (which by the way I love to do) and much more. They day I was leaving was very gloomy; I didn’t want to leave because I really enjoyed it there. It was the first time in my life that I have stayed so long in Iran and didn’t want to run back home. I loved it.

Fit right back in...

On my way to Iran, I was stuck in between two old ladies on the plane. On my left hand side was an old Iraqi women who was going back home to Iraq from Mecca; on my right was an Iranian who lived in Washington DC and was on her way to Iran to see her family. Sitting in between these two women was very Ironic because I have always felt that I belonged to both sides (not necessarily Iraqi but Arab), but the problem is that Arabs and Iranians don’t necessarily get along very well. It was funny that in the airplane there were Arabs and Iranians and both of them thought they were better than the other and both of them commented on what each other was doing wrong and made fun of the other in their own language.

The Iraqi woman one my left for some reason was very interested in me, she kept asking me question like what I studied? If I was married? How old I was? Where I lived etc; turned out this was not just out of curiosity but because she wanted me for her son who lived and worked in Iraq!! She even asked me for my cell number which I don’t know why in the world I gave her (I guess it doesn’t matter because I will rarely be using that cell phone since I keep on jumping from country to country). After having an extensive conversation with the Iraqi about my life and her life back in Iraq, I moved on to the Iranian. One of her first obvious questions was if I was Iranian. I told her that my mother was Iranian which in return she concluded that I am Iranian. I then told her that my father was Bahraini and I have lived my whole life in Bahrain and therefore I am stuck in between. With this woman we talked about life in the US and the life of Iranians living and getting married outside the US (funny enough both women opened up the conversation about marriage).

When I got out, four of my cousins were waiting for me and for some reason felt like I was just with them. Driving through the streets of Shiraz felt like I never left this place. We dropped by my Uncle’s house to say hi and drop off one of my cousins; then we moved on to our house. We arrived home had dinner, showed them some pictures of my trips and the family back home and went to sleep at around 3 am. Next morning I visited my grandmother; it was as if they had preserved her for me, she looked exactly the same as the last time I left her. Same hair, same wrinkles, same smile, same attitude…I love her; she annoys me at times but I love her dearly. After staying there for a while two of my aunts dropped by to say hi and I loved it. For lunch we moved on to my favorite aunt’s house; for some reason I get along with this aunt quiet well and everyone back home tells me that we have a lot in common. I love her. We had lunch, washed the dishes and chilled out together. My cousins all slept (as this is something everyone does after lunch) Me and my aunt sat and talked for 3 hours, she told me stories of the family, who got married, who died, how they died, what happened in their mourning; stories of random people she met on the streets or while waiting for doctor’s appointments, stories of when she was a kid and much more.

In the evening me, my cousins and their friends went out for dinner; I had the usual Iranian pizza which was fabulous. After laughing all night, we came back to my aunt’s house and I slept there for the night.

This trip has been easy for me so far; I fit in very easily as if I never left this place. Doesn’t really feel like home but feels so good with my family. I love the random laughing, the stories, the weather, the food, the family gatherings, the everything.

Mixed Feelings...

The last three days in Turkey were a lot of fun. I got to hang out with the girls and have some really deep talk. Also I got to know Mariam Kamal much better and realized that we have a lot I common. I’m glad I spent the extra days with these wonderful people from Bahrain. The streets of Istanbul were full of life yet for some reason I felt so lonely.

Tonight I’m leaving to Iran; meeting my family after two years is going to be very exciting. I’m sure I won’t be able to satisfy everyone with such a short time. Everyone would want me to go either for lunch or dinner at their house which will be impossible since the family is huge.

I will also be spending Ramadan there which is something new. I have always wanted to see what Ramadan was like in Iran and this year I will have the freedom to experience that. I will also have the time and space to fill in my application to Abu Dhabi more contentedly.

Mixed feelings…

Disappointed

So finally I made it to the biggest AIESEC conference of the year, the International Congress (IC) in Turkey. I really enjoy spending time with amazing people from all over the world. This AIESEC conference has been very different for me; I no longer see AIESECers the same way, I don’t know if I have lost the fling for them or I have in a way moved on. I have in some way calmed down, I don’t enjoy role calls like I used to, I don’t enjoy talking about my achievements anymore, I for some reason don’t have the passion to talk about my country anymore. Maybe I just expected more out of AIESECers; I expected them to be more mature, more independent, stronger…

I am really disappointed with this conference; In terms of content it has not satisfied me a lot. The conference has been a great Networking opportunity but I wanted to get more from it and unfortunately I haven’t yet.
Delegates are not really responsible; a lot of people come late; people talk during sessions & speeches, a lot of people doze off and sleep during sessions; people cut all the time and much more. Almost everyone in this conference is on the Leadership team, and for these people to act the way they do is very unprofessional.

All I am doing is complaining about this conference which is not necessarily a positive thing to do but hey I got to get it out.

In terms of the Bahraini delegation, I could never have wished for better people to represent Bahrain. Everyone loves the Bahraini Delegation and this is something that I am most proud of. Today they went through the Issue Based Experiences Certification and out of 5 projects; Bahrain’s name came out in two of the Projects (Entrepreneurship & Finance). What more could I want from a country who has had AIESEC only for one year and is an expanding country. We are growing and we are proud of it.

Lyna thanks for all the things you taught me about AIESEC; IC has been a piece of cake!!

I will miss BMI

Thursday was my last day at work. I hadn’t really felt that I resigned until the last day; I really felt it when people would gather at my table and talk about the farewell party and what was needed in it. It suddenly hit me that I won’t be coming to work again. I won’t be waking up early every morning and rushing to work. I won’t be walking into the building and saying hi to the security guards on the ground floor. I won’t be walking out the elevator and seeing the security guard on the 6th floor with a wonderful smile wishing me a Good Morning. I won’t be entering the main door to see Khadija with a big smile wishing me a Happy Eid.

I’m going to miss my desk with the MEPI group picture on my PC. I’m going to miss the Credit Admin Department since I would pass by them every morning and Mansoori would make some kind of funny comment. I will truly miss the customers and their nagging on why we have charged them extra or why we have not put their money in a deposit and why we haven’t reduced their loans.

Although I always knew I am not a business person and I just studied business because my father wanted me to, I am really going to miss my work. For some reason I actually enjoyed my work; although it was frustrating but I enjoyed even the bad times. I enjoyed nagging over Faby to pass the entries he had to pass weeks before, I enjoyed telling Ali to pass the transfers ASAP, I enjoyed disturbing Ameeta with all the proposal requests.

Most of all I will miss my department. I will miss Mohammed’s so though bad temper (which by the way I think is not that bad, he is actually much sweeter than what people think about him). I will miss Ameer and him getting pissed at some clients but still wishing me a Happy Eid. I will miss Basim calling out my name every 5 minutes and when I go to his room, turns out he could have just gave me the message over the phone. I will miss Joy’s “Oh you are still here Shereen!” and telling me his life stories. I will miss Mona for pissing me off because she never picks up the rest of the team’s lines. Most of all I will miss Haifa; not only my colleague but a true friend and sister.

I will miss wafa, mariam, Cynthia, FCU, Chandran, Jalal, HR, IT, Ebtisam (even though I didn’t spend much time with her), Corporate, GTS, Operations, Treasury (specially Khalid) and defiantly Ahmed Gallaf!! Every single one. All of them have in one way or another impacted my life and have taught me something new, or reminded me of things and why I should try to enjoy and stay positive every day of my life.

I will miss wishing people a Happy Eid and Merry Christmas in the heart of summer. I will miss singing them seasons of love (525,600 minutes). I will miss BMI!

Summer

Summer has arrived and a lot of memories have come with it. The feeling when I use to come back to Bahrain for the summer and meet up with my friends. This year is very different; everyone I know is either leaving of have already left the country. Summer days have become boring with me going to work and the evenings are filled with my last couple of classes. Weekends are a total bore. I don’t like going out anymore; it’s very difficult for me to put up with people’s expectations. In a way it’s sickening me.

I’ve gone back to my old Iron Maiden and Megadeth CDs that I used to listen to when I was younger. Many of the lyrics I feel I have heard for the first time. Maybe it’s because I can actually relate to them now and I understand the deeper meaning to what they are saying.

Life has been tough the last couple of years. Things did not come or happen easily. I was hurt over and over by family and friends, and yet I still managed to make my way. Almost everyone doubts my instincts and the decision I have taken for my future but this time I am not letting go easily. I will do what I want to do even if people think I will fail. I don’t believe in failure, I believe in experiences and no matter what someone dies they learn. Sometime we learn with a cost and other times it comes easily, but they always say if you pay for something then only will you know it’s worth. Maybe I need to understand the worth of my current life and appreciate it later on in my life. Maybe then I will learn. But for now I need a change and its time.

Living the Good Life

The last couple of days have been really good to me. Since my brother traveled with his family, I have taken over their property. I drive from their home to work and then go to university and later come back home and just chill out. I either go for a swim or lay back and watch a movie or documentary. I keep imagining the rest of my life this way, it is possible and it is good.

What else would anyone want I eat, sleep, make money and chill. Why do I need friends for? Friendship is really a headache; if you don’t call them they complain, if you call a lot your phone bill complains. If you go out with them, it’s always the same people talking about the same subjects sitting at the same table at the same coffee shop or restaurant all the time. It sickens me at times.

I’m looking forward to the coming month; a month to just chill and relax.

I’m living the good life!!

What the Future Holds

I resigned from work last week; something I wanted to do for so long. But now that I actually did it, I’m scared. I don’t know if that was the right decision. The last couple of years I worked so hard studying and working and being so active in out so called society and now what I do with it?? I’m leaving it all behind and walking away.

I’ve been hoping to get to go to IC since last year and have been thinking about it all the time; and now that I am going, I’m not that excited about it anymore.

Brazil? Germany? Iran? Japan? Bahrain? I don’t know what to do. It seems like no matter what I do I will never be happy because my parents are never happy with me.

Let’s see what the future holds; maybe something good will come out of it.

Difference between sexes

This man has always been succesful in making me laugh. Here is one of my favorites...

Turning 21

I always thought turning 21 would be amazing. Some are happy they can start driving, other happy they can start drinking legally! Some glad they can finally vote others to gamble and so on.

I just turned 21 last week and nothing good has come out of it. It somehow reminded people that I’m all grown up now, when I’m exactly the same person from 2 weeks ago.

It’s funny with grown ups, they tell you to act like an adult yet they treat you like a kid and when they have no other choice they tell you “your grown up, you know better”. It disgusts me.

Funny enough since last week all I can sing in my head is Britney Spears!!

Not a girl, Not yet a woman

Lyna

This post is for lovely Lyna, I will truly miss you once you are gone. I will miss the nights we used to drive around trying to figure out what we want to do or what we want to eat. I will miss the days we would drive to Bukwara for your Lebanese Cocktail. I will miss the times at Starbucks talking about the most random things and trying to make conversations with the Americans from the base. I will miss the times you were afraid to be who you are and struggled to come out and share it. I will miss you at weddings, at family gatherings, at AIESEC meetings, at coffee shops…

In less than a year I have made a very dear friend, a friend who I shared a lot of my life with without her knowing it; A friend who understands me more than any one else in my life. A friend who has supported me in all of my doing no matter right or wrong. A friend who has always been there for me. I will miss you Lyna I truly will.

This post might be one of my worst because I can’t really write. I cant tell you how much I will miss you or how dear you are to me. I will struggle without you here with me; It has already started.

You will be missed.

So Sad, Yet So Happy

Last week on Tuesday night, we had our usual once a year cooking at my Aunts house. Every year my whole extended family gets together and cooks ‘ash’ and distributes it to everyone for the death of our Prophet’s daughter Fatima. This is supposedly a sad event and everyone wears black and works their asses off for the prophet’s daughter. The day goes like this:

All the women go to my Aunt’s house early in the morning to start preparing the ingredients and what else is needed for the rest of the day. Later on all the women (somewhere around 20) sit in the main hall and cut the vegetables and clean the beans etc. Around 12.30 pm most of the women just sit around and drink tea or smoke ‘gadoo’ (something like sheesha but smells like weed); while some of them cook lunch for the rest.

During lunch hours, some of my cousins and their fathers drop by during their lunch hours to have lunch at my Aunts house. After everyone had lunch, usually all the lazy and old women go into my Aunts room and take a short afternoon nap; while all the energetic ones just sit around and joke & chat very loudly as if it was on purpose not to let the rest of them sleep. While most of the ladies are talking and sleeping, a very few are preparing to cook the meat and beans so they will be ready to add in the ash at night. Later in the afternoon more people start showing up; these are usually my cousins with small children that go to school in the mornings, the cousins and aunts that work, the cousins that study etc.

The most fun part is in the evening when all the men and the rest of the family start arriving; everyone is happy to see each other. The women that were working all day take a rest while all the fresh women get into the kitchen and start shredding the hot meat that had been cooking all day. Some men linger outside next to the big hot pots and help with stirring the mix. After everything is put into the pot and everything begins to cool down a bit, dinner is served. Every year one of my cousins who owns an Iranian restaurant brings dinner; usually I don’t like to eat in a very loud or noisy place, but I love eating on this night with the rest of my family. More than 50 people sitting around dinner while a couple run back and forth to make sure there is enough supply of chicken and meat kebabs, hummus, motabal, warag ainab etc

On this night, almost everyone is making a joke out of everything. Be it from the men making fun of their wives or vice versa, to the hummus at dinner, to my cousin’s wrong sentences … Everyone is happy on supposedly such a sad day.

After everyone leaves, some of the women stay over to help with distributing the ash to our houses early in the morning. So the next day when we wake up we can continue to enjoy the family gathering by tasting the wonderful ash that almost everyone had a hand in.

Decisions

I’m really excited about the rest of my year; finally I will be able to see the world and experience the different aspects of life. At the same time I am scared, I don’t know what decisions to take, how these decisions will effect my life? Are they wise ones? Are they worth all the tension I have created within my family? Will I really be able to go and do things that I want to do. Will I be able to go to the places I hold close to my heart? Am I capable of taking up these responsibilities? Will they regret choosing me?

Questions, Questions, Questions… I spend most of my unused time thinking of these; while driving to work, while driving to school, while talking to a person who makes no sense.

I don’t want to approach July, yet I can’t wait for August.

Seasons of Love

I have been listening to this song over and over again and driving people crazy at work with it.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure? Measure a year

In daylights?
In sunsets?
In midnights?
In cups of coffee?
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?

how about love?
how about love?
how about love?
measure in love...
seasons of love...
seasons of love...

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
or in times that she cried
In bridges he burned
or the way that she died

Its time now to sing out though
the story never ends
Let's celebrate remember a year in a life
of friends

remember the love...
(oh you gotta remember the love)
remember the love...
(oh yeah, its a gift from up above)
remember the love...
(sing out, give out, measure your life
in love...!!!)
seasons of love...
seasons of love...

What I am

There are people in my life I wish I had not met.
There are things in life that I wish I had not done.
There are places in life I wish I never visited.
There are decisions in life I wish I had not taken
But all these make up who I am.
All these have made me what I am today.

Satisfaction

A couple of days ago, I went out with some of my friends that I haven’t chilled out with since last summer. We went driving around Bahrain getting random things to eat and drink and talking about our lives and where ‘Shereen’ is at the moment.

I used to hang out with them all the time, we would spend almost the whole day together when I first got to university, but that all changed when I got even more active and started working. Meeting them after such a long time made me think about the steps I took throughout that time. I was telling them about my stories of Morocco, Egypt, the States, the people I met and the things I did and they were not the least interested. They went over why I shouldn’t have done most of the things I had done in the last year and how I should stop acting as a kid and start to grow up.

They then started talking about the usual things they used to talk about like cars, bags, weddings, who is doing what etc which I never had interest in anyways. I felt left out, I felt I did not belong there anymore; I felt they didn’t even want me there anymore.

I realized maybe I do sound like a kid to them; maybe it is crazy to want to leave the good life I’m living here and take the challenge of living somewhere much difficult. But that is what I want to do; that is what gives me satisfaction. It’s the small things in life that make me happy; doing crazy childish thing like asking for diet water makes me laugh, makes me happy and I enjoy my life that way. Everyone has something that makes them happy maybe is a new car, a new bag, a boyfriend, a whatever for me it is much simpler its just the people I am around, the weird things we do together, the driving around with good music we can sing along to and make people laugh even though it is laughing at us.

A True Failure

All my life I am seen as a leader by my friends, my teachers, my family, my colleagues. Today I have realized that I am nothing of that sort. Anytime I am the leader of a group everything goes wrong. I either don’t have enough people in my team or they just don’t attend. Does a leader ever exist without people who believe in him or her?

In AIESEC, I have the smallest team of six people and you would think that it would be easy to manage a team of that size but it is driving me crazy. Most meetings are just attended by 2 or maximum 3 members. I have tried with all sorts of ways being from emails to sms to calling them up and encouraging them to come but nothing seems to be getting to them. They might attend for one meeting and then lack off again.

My Student Life Organization team is even worse. During the years at university I invested most of my time to this team as different leading positions within the team and after not given the chance of leading the whole team by being president, I decided to leave since I had been humiliated after giving so much and nothing being appreciated. I was given the position after everyone had left and the organization had collapsed. Now I am trying to run an organization that had more than 30 members with only 3. Me, my vice and my events manager.

At work I have always been given the most difficult tasks; Tasks that no one else wants to do or tasks that are incomplete and should be completed with a headache. Yesterday I heard my boss say to his assistant whatever problems you have with cases give it to Shereen. Most times I get the job done, after running around the whole day and bugging the people to process what I need. But when I don’t get it done, I feel like there is no need for my presence if I can’t finish a task given to me by my superiors.

The three things that I hold close to my heart and work my ass off all day for them have been a total failure when it comes to me doing them. So what do these people (friends, teachers, professors, colleagues) see in me that I don’t see? Maybe they don’t see my downfalls but here I’m letting you all know what RELLY happens.

I might be a failure but I am proud of myself, I’m proud of every sweat I have put into anything I do because whenever I do it, I do it whole heartedly. I do it not for selfish reasons but for the betterment of everyone. I might not always get things done, but at least I try and God knows I try HARD. There is not much left for my terms to end but I promised myself that when I leave, I will leave the organizations better than I started and this is what I am planning to do. I am a failure; but I am one hell of a good failure.

What a Lovely Day...

Today I got out of work in the morning to deposit money into my father’s account in another bank. This was my first time walking in the street that I drive on everyday. It felt very different, I felt like I had never been there before. I enjoyed the sunny weather while I walked past the shops that sold things like electronics, laundry machines, TVs, toys, clothes and so on. I got to the bank and filled out a deposit slip and waited in line with the rest of the people; suddenly I heared a man calling me and telling me to stand outside the line in the front so I can be served before the rest. I looked around me and saw that in fact I was the only female customer in the bank. It was a long queue; there were somewhere around 14 people in front of me with only 3 tellers and I was lucky enough to be a girl. This is one of the many advantages of being a female in this part of the world. Who said woman rights was good?? I would rather be treated as a woman than an equal to a man. Why would I want to give up not standing at a long queue in places such as ministries, banks, ticket stands etc? Why wouldn’t I want men opening doors for me and letting me go in and out first? Why wouldn’t I want to be treated better than men by men?…

While I was walking back to the office I saw men coming out of the mosques, they had just finished their afternoon prayer and looked so refreshed and happy. The pigeons next to Bab-Al-Bahrain were eating up the left over rice from the shops around the street. The traffic was heavy, but everyone seemed to be smiling and everyone was happy to be there. Walking down the centre of Bahrain, the different smells amazed me. On the same street you could smell perfume odor from people, the odor of stinky armpits, carbon monoxide from cars, newly sprung flowers, smell of food being prepared for lunch and much more.

I felt good about myself, I felt good about Bahrain and I suddenly felt sad. I will really miss this when I leave. I will miss t he smells, miss the preferences to woman, miss the pigeons; miss the security guards I always say hi to. But I know I will be experiencing newer things, things that I might miss even more if I come back home.

Hijab

While I was walking from the parking lot to the office today, I saw a guy walking past me stare at my breasts. I felt very bad; I wasn’t even wearing anything tight or revealing. I just wanted to go up to him and ask him what was wrong with him. I felt like slapping him across the face…

I’m not a religious person; I don’t pray and I only attend religious events because it is more cultural to me than it is religious. There is one part of Islam that I used to disagree with, and that is the part of the hijab. I never used to see the point of having a hijab in this time and age and to some extents I still don’t, but the funny thing is that I have thought about wearing it a million times. It is not the aspect of just covering your hair and neck that I want to follow, but what I respect is the fact of covering my body and respecting my body and not allowing men or women to look down at it or look at it as a sex object.

I am a person of jeans and t-shirts (seen as very casual and ‘just don’t give a shit’ attitude) but even though, some men still check out my private parts and that seriously pisses me off. I keep playing with the idea of me wearing loose long shirts with pants and something to cover my neck and ears, but I get frightened of that image easily. It is something that will make me feel comfortable, but will also mean taking away my true identity. Then comes the question of which is more important? My true identity? Or my comfort? To me I say both but mostly my identity and who I am. Funny enough though is that I am not living my true identity here in Bahrain, I do restrict myself to certain things because of family reputation and so on.

Another issue that I have to be careful with is if I wear the hijab, then I have to live my whole life a certain way. This mean no more partying all night if I am outside the country, no more hanging around with my friends (boys) the way I do now, no more doing AIESEC dances wherever I want, no more singing in the office and making everyone feel good and certainly no more doing random crazy things like dressing up as Santa on Christmas and walking in the streets.

So what do I do?! I don’t know. Will I be able to cover myself up while people still see me as the same person or should I just continue being the same way and just deal with the fact that people like checking each other out?

Where my heart is

These couple of weeks, I have been flooded with work as usual but one thing is always on my mind; Iran. My love for Iran is growing day by day and I never really knew how much I loved this country until now. My last trip there was almost a year and half ago but it feels like ages.

Meeting people from AIESEC at IPM and MENALDS who were starting up AIESEC in Iran started something inside me. Should I really go there and help out? I told my parents about it and they completely disagreed with me; they told me that would the stupidest decision I would make. Life is not easy there; I know, but the self satisfaction that I will have if I actually do something for my second home would be amazing.

I know for now that I am not experienced enough to go there, I would rather spend the time I have now learning from stronger countries and later invest myself in Iran. I will go there again for sure and hopefully next time not just for a mere trip to my family but to stay there for a bit longer.

Iranian Flag

This one is dedicated to John Westgarth.

Some of you might be wondering what is up with the Iranian flag (mostly people in the US or Europe might be seeing this) One day it has a lion on it and the next day something circular. Well my friends this is politics!! The current Iranian flag was developed in 1980 after the Islamic revolution. Usually this flag is used by Iranians within Iran and also a very few Iranians outside Iran who are with the revolution.

The other flag is called the sheer o khorsheed meaning the lion and sun. When this flag is used, it means that the person is against the Islamic revolution and wants it to be overthrown. Some of these people want the last Shah’s son Reza Pahlavi to take over while most of them want a new regime to come up.

My Friend Laila

I met a very special girl last summer, a girl that now I call a sister. We had days where we would laugh together for no reason and days we both felt like crap. We met last year during the summer leadership program in the U.S. Most of the time we were arguing about almost everything, but we always seemed to understand where the other person came from and why they would act the way they did. We talked about very sensitive issues together and most of the time disagreed but there was always something special between us that I till this day don’t understand. Laila is my sister from Palestine; she has the most amazing personality but at times gets on my nerves. She has a very strong personality and always sticks to what she has to say (not necessarily always a good point). We had a lot in common yet we were very different; a lot of our friends never seem to understand why we were friends because we would fight all the time (believe me I have no clue either).
There were nights where we would sit together and laugh at the most random things in the world, we would both start crying for the most stupid thing ever, we got angry together and almost had the same emotions most of the time. During our whole stay in the U.S we had a REAL argument once and that day I could not even concentrate. It was our argument in Memphis when we left her and two other girls at the hotel (something out of my control). The next day was our flight back to Delaware and everyone knew we had a quarrel. That day I woke up late, left a lot of things back at Memphis, I even forgot my passport at the hotel and was very close to missing the plane. While I was waiting for Prof. Cox to go back to the hotel and get my passport, Laila stay with me. For the first half hour we did not say a word, we slowly started discussing what had gone wrong and got to understand what the other person was REALLY thinking. After that it was like the pervious day never had happened.
I miss my Laila very much and I love her even more than ever. This Blog is for my Laila, my friend, my sister, my roommate in Egypt, my inspiration.

Here are some memories:

Angry

Yesterday we had our AIESEC recruitment interviews. It was a very hectic but fun day; we interviewed around 40 people from 9am till 8pm. I saw people who were really motivated, shy people, scared people, aggressive people, dumb people, very intelligent people and normal people.

It was our last round and I only had two more people to interview and I was done for the day. If only I could wipe out these two interviews from my head, I think I would have enjoyed the whole day. The ignorance and foolishness that I found in these two people was enough to get anyone depressed for the rest of their lives. Both of them were English literature majors and both of them were looking to do some kind of educational or development training in Africa or a poor country. I asked one of them if she would go to an Asian country like china or Pakistan or Singapore to teach English for 3 months and she just freaked out. She was like “NO NO I don’t want to go there” and normally I asked her why not and she simply answered because I don’t like their food and they stink. Thank God Ali was with me to control me otherwise I was going to break my laptop on her head. An example of the other girl was when she was telling us a story about her trip to the UAE with a German guy sitting next to her on the plane. She told us that the guy had asked her what the thing over her head was (hijab) and she felt like he was ignorant and didn’t know anything about Islam. After a while Ali asked her if she was sent to another country and her roommate was a homosexual Jewish girl, what would be her reaction? (that was the craziest question ever, believe me I know!!) She grimaced her face and said she would be very scared and would not be able to sleep at night because she would be afraid that she would kill her. At that point I asked her why she thought that would happen and she said “because Jewish people hate Muslims.” I asked her if that was a fact or was just her assumption and she said you can ask anyone. I told her she was wrong and she should actually meet someone Jewish and then make that judgment.

I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have had but I could not control myself anymore. I told her in the interview that she was as ignorant as the German guy she met on the plane (I wanted to tell her she was worse because he at least asked about it and not just assumed like she did).

I’m all angry again …

Hopeless

Looking at the rain through these big windows at the office brought back memories that I didn’t want to remember. Rainy days are my favorite although I have a lot of bad memories with it. Today I went back to my first couple of months in Canada. Days that were very sad not only because I missed my family and friends, but because I had become something I was not. I went back to one particular day when I was sitting in the grass next to the football field and listening to classical Persian music. I was thinking of how I could have become so weak, how I lost all that passion for life. I know that if anyone from Bahrain saw me there he/she would not believe their eyes and would think that I am just acting.

In Bahrain I was very naughty at school and I enjoyed every second of it. But in Canada I had completely changed; I became a very shy person that could not look at people in the eye while walking in t he high school corridors. I felt so bad at that moment, I felt I was worthless. It was on that rainy day where I shed my first tears in Canada. It was on that rainy day where I walked through the heavy rain back home without even thinking of the classes I was missing. It felt like a movie; I was numb, the music was good, I was sad, I felt hopeless and I wanted to get the hell out of there.

Lagged

It’s been a while since I have posted anything, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been up to anything. The last couple of weeks were the most intense weeks of my life both with good and bad events happening. The stress from work, the leave from work to go to MENA LDS, MENA LDS itself, my final exams, AIESEC recruitment and so on.

Almost everyone who attended MENA LDS has either blogged or talked their lungs out about this magical conference; I on the other hand have kept the conference all to myself. I think it’s because I am still not able to process what just happened but I will tell you all about it some time soon.

Immature

Last week was one of the worst weeks in my entire life. If I add up all the stress I had in my life, it would be less than what I went through only last week. At a certain point I felt like I could not handle it anymore; I felt i was getting physically sick and was scared I would collapse at any moment.

One of the issues I faced was at work; a stupid reason I was stressed for was because I wanted another leave for a week to attend the MENA LDS in Morocco. The reason I was so scared to ask for another leave was because I had already left twice to two different conferences the same month; asking for a third one would be too much to ask. After practicing what to say and how to say it and when to say it and all that stuff, I decided on Wednesday that it was time for me to let my boss know. He was busy all day with a lot of people and I couldn't get a chance to talk to him; I stayed in the office till 6pm hoping that he will get free for at least 5 minutes. One of my colleagues stayed with me to give me moral support so that I would have the guts to go ahead and ask.

My boss was at one of the other employee’s desk and they were planning something for the next day, my colleague who was there to give me support called the guy and told him to stay with her so that I could go and talk to my boss. Anyways the guy got very angry and said “she should not be so shy, just go and approach him” he left us and went told something to my boss. My boss approached me and said “yes Shereen, you wanted to talk to me?” at the same time I was so shocked at the reaction of the guy and I said why did you do that you khar (meaning donkey). That was the most stupid and immature thing I did in my life; I did not mean it at all, it was just a slip of my tongue but what was done was done. He told me not to call him names and stop being so scared when it comes to our manager. My boss looked at me not believing what just happened and asked me again what it was I wanted to tell him, I told him I just wanted to tell him that I was going to leave (which is not the true reason why I wanted to talk to him) He was like "you can go you don’t have to tell me". I picked up my things and left; on the way I could not hold my tears, they came running down. While I was waiting for the elevator I was trying to take deep breathes to stop the tears but it was of no use. The security guy was just sitting there watching me not understanding why I was crying the way I was. The door to the elevator opened up and to my luck it was full, I squeezed in and wanted to just get the hell out of where I was. When I got in everything got quiet; I guess they saw me crying. One of them was trying to get the conversation going so that it doesn’t feel awkward but it was of no use; it was obvious I was crying. I got out and walked as fast as I could to the parking lot; I got into the car and just let it all out. I really don’t know how long I stayed there and I didn't care if I was late for class or not. After some time had passed I drove to university and again the tears rolled down. I felt like a kid, like I was immature and was making a scene out of it; but these stupid tears would not stop, just STOP!!

I got to class on time, but I only stayed for 20 minutes. I apologized from the professor and left. She could see that I was not feeling well and I was not contributing like I usually did so she let me leave. When I got home, I felt like I was going to collapse; I told the maid to get me some salty food because my blood pressure had dropped. I ate and went to my room; I laid on my bed thinking again what had happened, how I could have done what I did, and why I was feeling this way. I was sad but also angry at myself for being so immature. I could not face my colleagues the next day, what would I do? What would I say? I got up and washed up and went to bed very early. I had cried so much that day that I was drained and I feel asleep so fast that I cant even remember what time it was.

Memories from Iran

Iran is just one of those countries that after being there for more than 1 month, I feel like committing suicide and when I’m not there I miss it like hell. I used to visit Iran at least once a year and used to have a wonderful time with my cousins. The last time I was there was in 2005; I and my sister decided to get away from our daily routine life and just chill out in Iran with the family. We have a pretty big family in Iran and I just love it. When we visit them, they all gather up in one house and sit around us so that we update them with the stories of our lives. When someone from the family in Bahrain visits them after a very long time, they usually slaughter a sheep for that person.

Me and my sister in 2005 in Shiraz

I remember one year, we visited them with one of my brothers who had not been to Iran for a very long time. When we got to my grandmother’s house from the airport, everyone was standing in the front yard with big smiles on their faces and flowers in their hands to welcome us. When we got in, there was a sheep with a man holding a knife in his hand next to it. I knew what was going to happen and I didn’t really want to see, but it would really be disrespectful to leave everyone and go into the house so I stayed there and watched. I felt like the sheep knew what was going to happen, when they were feeding it water, it drank and it just knew what was going to happen next. It started moving around and forcing itself free from the hands of the man. My uncle went and helped the man by holding down the sheep; he cut the throat and in a couple of seconds everything was over. I could not eat meat for the rest of the trip.

The same year, my brother got married to an Iranian girl who lived next to my grandmother’s house. For over two weeks, we celebrated every single day. We would wake up in the mornings have a traditional Iranian breakfast that consisted of Iranian fresh cheese, Iranian bread, fresh mint leaves from my grandma’s yard, cucumber, tomatoes, walnuts, different home made jams and sweet tea. Then we would put Iranian music and dance a little and start working; we would make small gifts to give to the people to remember the wedding. All the neighbors and extended family members would come to help us a little later during the day. Some would be making the gifts, others outside buying things, some making lunch, others worrying about their dresses that did not turn out the way the wanted and me just enjoying myself in the middle of all this commotion. The morning of the wedding was wild; everyone running from room to room trying to find their things for the night. My mother on the phone calling people to make sure everything is going as planned. The men were completely out of sight. They were at the location where the wedding was going to take place. The bride had gone to the saloon early morning to relax and get all fixed up. After lunch, my cousins and me went to a saloon close by and did our hair. My hair was a total mess, I was only 13 so they did whatever they wanted with me and I wouldn’t say a thing. We got home and I could not hold it in anymore; I started crying because I looked like shit. I remember my divorced brother’s wife (who was still married to him back then) came and fixed my hair all over and out makeup for me and told me you look so pretty. She helped me get dressed and gave me some of her jewelry to wear. Anyways we called for taxis and went to the place. The wedding was taking place in a very nice private park a little bit outside the city. When we got there, people had already arrived and the music was on and everyone was having a good time. There was a thin separation between the men and women, but they could see each other; by the end of the party all the men had come to the women’s section and everyone was dancing together.

The next 3 days were all partying. Relatives from the bride and grooms side would come to my grandmother’s house and we would sing and dance all day for 3 days and nights in a row. We had breakfast, lunch and dinner together and many people whose houses were far away would stay for the night. I loved every moment of those days; two people brought all these people with different backgrounds, different lifestyles and different mentalities together, and all of them would get along perfectly. The end of the 3rd night, my brother and his wife said goodbye and went on their honeymoon.

The next morning I woke up and everything was quiet. All the fun was gone; everyone was back to their normal life like nothing had happened the last couple of weeks. One of my cousins came and took me to the movies and that is when my trip to Iran actually started.

If it wasn’t for me

If it wasn’t for me, the world would have been a better place
If it wasn’t for me, animals would have lived in grace
If it wasn’t for me, forests wouldn’t have been cut down
If it wasn’t for me, the dictionary wouldn’t contain the word ‘frown’

If it wasn’t for me, people wouldn’t have starved to death
If it wasn’t for me, no one would have a reason or person to fight with
If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have diseases exist
If it wasn’t for me, birds could build better nests

If it wasn’t for me, angels wouldn’t have had a fight
If it wasn’t for me, I wouldn’t have had to cry at night

I am the Human Being
I am the suffering you have seen
I came into this world empty handed and will leave the same
But the pain and suffering I will leave behind will only have me to blame.

One Big Family

Tonight I was online with my friends from MEPI; Lebanon, Palestine, Kuwait, Egypt, Qatar & Bahrain all talking to each other. Sharing our past, present and future together just like one big family. If only that was possible in today’s world! If only we as Arabs could get together and just sit and discuss things without trying to take advantage of each other. If only we could all join together and be one big happy family like my MEPI UD 06.

Algeria, Tunisia and The two Bahrainis

A warm group Hugh!!

My MEPI Family!!

These are people I hold close to my heart. People who have believed in me and who have always encouraged me to go forward. They never have doubts that I can achieve anything. When I lose hope, I can fall back in their arms and can be sure they will pick me up and send me back into the world. Bahrain, Qatar, Kuwait, United Arab Emirates, Oman, Iraq, Jordon, Lebanon, Palestine, Egypt, Israel, Tunisia, Morocco, Algeria, Syria and the US.

Just another bad day

Today is just one of days when I hate my job. It makes me wonder whether I made the right decision by working full time at my young age. Working in a private bank can be really frustrating at times, especially if you are working in the private banking department. Dealing with rich arrogant people can be very demanding at times.

I have a very wonderful boss; he is very understanding and never stands in the way of his employee’s development (unlike some other managers I have worked with). The people in my department are very friendly as well; being only 20 years old sometimes gives me an advantage over the rest; I get to joke around and draw smiles on their faces. Today on the other hand, I had a very bad day, so I just sat at my desk and did my own thing. My colleagues asked me what was wrong with me today, but I kept ignoring.

Sometimes I feel like I am very stupid, I keep forgetting to follow up on things, which is a huge part of my job description. I have to follow up on the whole department and check if everything is going alright, you can say like an internal compliance agent. Today when I got to the office I checked my mail for a while and after approximately 15 minutes my boss got in. He called me and asked me about one of the tasks given to me two days ago; I could not finish it because I had passed the cut-off time of the other bank. So I told him I would call them today, when I called the lady in Oman, she said there was a problem and they could not pass the transaction (apparently she had forgot to let me know, but it is also my responsibility to check up) So I solved the issue with a two day delay and let my boss know of what had happened. He asked me how this could happen and who was going to pay the difference to the client if the rate had changed? I just stood there and looked at him, I felt numb and could not move; if only the earth would open up and swallow me in. There was a 10 second silent eye contact and I had no clue what to answer, there basically was no answer. After I asked him if he wanted me to do anything else about it, he said no it’s fine. I felt so bad; I felt like there was no place for me here. A kid, how did they even trust me with this job? How did they recruit me in the first place?

I don’t want to sound like a depressed girl who has no clue what she wants from life, but I have to take this path for the time being. This job is just a backup plan for my real journey that I will hopefully be starting later this year.

Not so left out

Both times I traveled to Egypt, I had a wonderful time. The first time was earlier this month when we had our MEPI re-union; our group of 21 students from 15 Arab countries got back together in Egypt to share what we did with our lives and where we are heading after the summer leadership program. And the second time was the wonderful IPM. At the beginning I felt that it was a total mistake in me being there; I wasn’t MCPe and I definitely wasn’t MCP, so what was I doing there? The reason I was supposed to go was to see how the AIESEC International conferences were like and also to get some contacts for our exchange deals that we need to do for Bahrain. Well that sounded easy in the beginning but it was not the case; I felt like I knew nothing compared to the rest of the participants. They all came with bags of knowledge about AIESEC and the internships they had done and me, the spoilt khaleeji (from the GCC) girl knew nothing. I could not start a conversation with anyone because I felt like I had nothing important to say, besides when I would hear people talking to each other about AIESEC, I had no clue what they were saying. For Gods sake I have only in AIESEC for less than a year, I still have a long was to go.

Finally one afternoon I sat at a table with some people for lunch and they were having a typical conversation about AIESEC; the guy opposite to me was from India and he asked me how I was finding the conference, and I said that it was going alright. Next to me was the really cute MCP from Spain, he had the most difficult name in the world and have no clue what it is. He was saying that he wants to move on and that he might do an internship with AIESEC, so I asked him what type of internship he was looking for and he completely ignored me. I felt like they spilled acid onto my face, my face was burning up and I could not say a single word. It was the end of the conversation for me; I just looked at my plate and thought to myself, why I have so much food on my plate. What the hell was I thinking for taking so much food, no wonder I was fat. I swallowed what I had in my mouth and played around with the rest of what was in my plate and after a bit I left.

After that incident, I went into my own zone and completely stayed to myself. I would not start a conversation with anyone and would only sit and observe people. Until one morning when I was on my way to breakfast, I met a guy named Andries from Belgium and he was the sweetest thing ever. We walked together to the restaurant and he asked me the same question, how are you finding the IPM? And as usual I said it was good. When we got to the restaurant he met up with his friends and I started scanning the place for an empty seat; that is when he asked me to join them. I felt so happy, I put my things on the chair and went the buffet and only got coffee, feta cheese and a bun with some cucumber. I came back to find the table filled with people. I felt scared; what if they ignore me again, I could not handle another rejection. I sat down quietly and looked at Andries, he was having a conversation with one of the people at the table, and I just listened and kept quiet the whole time. Suddenly the girl from Canada said “that’s mean” and I looked at her and strange enough she was referring to my t-shirt that said “only idiots read t-shirts” I looked at her and couldn’t help but laugh; she smiled and made some comment about the food. The rest of the day went great I was filled with energy and was looking forward to the WENA Party that night.

So after the conference was over, people from the WENA region came with their bottles of drinks and setup their stands. Each country had a table and a sign with their country on it. I got in and saw people drinking and having a good time. I stood behind the stands and watched people get drunk and make fools of themselves. After they all had some alcohol, we all moved into the club because it was more airy and there was more space to dance around. Everyone was having fun; while I was sitting there and watching people I really began to admire them. Most if not all of them were very hardworking people who cared for the rest of the world and most of their days they spend doing good things for the betterment of others. These people sacrificed their careers for AIESEC and are giving this organization all they have because they believe this organization is for the betterment of the world. Most of them go through shit all the time, but yet when it comes to having fun, they are the first in line. I loved being there with them.

I left the club and went outside to the swimming pool and sat there observing the wind brushing the dirt on the water and the moonlight reflecting on the water. It was really late and very cold, but it was so quiet and calm that I wanted to stay there till morning. Some people passed by and asked me if everything was okay and I kept telling them I was fine; I truly was fine, I was just enjoying the silence. At around 4 am Andries was heading to his room when he saw me sitting next to the pool. He came and sat next to me and without him asking I told him I was fine and there was nothing wrong, and he could go to bed. She sat anyways and said he liked the silence as well. Out of nowhere I started talking about my family and what I went through and how they will react when I tell them that I’m planning to live abroad for the next coming few years. That was pretty deep stuff to tell to a guy whom I hardly knew; he started spilling some things as well. It felt good after the conversation; we walked back quietly to our rooms together but the silence meant so much. We talked a bit more and called it a night. It was a night I will never forget.

First day in Egypt

So here I am, back in Bahrain from Egypt. I attended the IPM (International Presidents Meeting) for AIESEC and it was an amazing experience. Sitting in a room with 200 people from over 96 countries is an experience no one can ever forget.

I got to Egypt at around 2.30 am and by the time we got to the hotel (if that’s what it’s called) it was around 4.30 am. The name of the hotel was Caesars Palace, if Caesar knew that they would be naming a hotel like this after him, he would have never wanted to be a hero. I was given a room number and was told I had to share it with a girl from Moldova, naturally I though that would happen and I was completely prepared for that. When I got to the room, I could not open it and after knocking for more than 5 minutes at the door, someone opened the door. I was very excited to meet my roommate whom I was only going to be with for four hours, but apparently she was too sleepy to even say hello. When I got into the room I got the shock of my life, it was a tiny room with things falling apart, we had one bed which I could barely call a queen sized bed and we had to share that. My roommate went to sleep on one side and told me to sleep on the other side; I went through my bags to get my pajamas and toothbrush out and went into the toilet to wash up. When I got in there I wondered if I did the right thing by coming to the conference; it’s true that it is a wonderful conference but is it worth living in a dump like this. Anyways I washed up and went to bed, I only had two hours to get some rest but I could not fall asleep. There was only one blanket and it didn’t do much because it was freezing cold and the bed felt like a rock, anyways after a couple of minutes of tossing and turning I fell asleep.

I got up at 7.30am and woke up my roommate who thanked me for waking her up. She apologized about the previous night and introduced herself formally, she was Tatiana from Moldova. We changed into our traditional clothes, packed our bags, took some pictures and went down stairs to get into the buses to leave. When I got down I saw Claude wearing his Bahraini thob and a big smile on his face, boy was I glad to see him. We got to the buses and went to the Marriott Hotel where our Opening Plenary was conducted. I sat at a table with people from Iceland, Thailand, Philippines, Bangladesh, Canada and a couple more countries. The girl from Iceland was very interested in my country and started asking me where it was and what the country was like and the culture etc, I tried to tell her as much as I could without giving her a first bad impression. After the Plenary we got to the buses again and headed to the Cairo Opera House and got our stuff out and ready for the Global Village. We had Egyptians come and ask about Bahrain and tried out sweets, it was really good, by the end of it I got to take a round with John to some of the stalls that we still up, I visited Australia, Brazil, Pakistan and some more. After that we got into the buses again and headed for Palmera Resort in Ain Sokhna where the conference would be conducted; it was the longest drive of my life. Half way I felt like I was suffocating, there was no ventilation in the bus and the bus smelled like a mixture of wet stinky socks, farts and stinky armpits; I was about to cry when we stopped for a break in the middle of nowhere. We got down at heaven; the cold fresh air was the best thing that happened to me since I got to Egypt, I just wanted to stay there for the rest of the trip; the whole 15 minutes I tried not to think of getting into the bus again but I could not help it. They called us back, so I went to the door took the deepest breath of my life and got into the bus.

Finally after a while we got to the resort, it was a really beautiful place. We got down and went straight to dinner; it was good food, finally some good started coming out of the trip. After that we went and registered to get into our rooms. This time I was roommates with Kristina from Austria who was the current MCP for Qatar. We got to the room, and I found the same double bed where we had to sleep on. I didn’t care I had a good roommate and it was a good airy room with a very nice balcony. I took a shower and we had to meet down to do our roll call preparation, after that I went straight to bed hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

My First Blog

Finally I' m an official Blogger!!

It’s been a while since I started reading people's Blog; Some Blogs of people I know but mostly of random people. It’s really interesting to know what goes on in the heads of people. One of the blogs I read said that he was blogging because he wanted people to know what his day was like; but to me I don't think thats what happens. We all might have the same day, the same events, but each person sees it in a different way; I think with blogs you can understand what’s wandering in the head of the blogger.

So why did I decide to blog?

Well one reason because I think that everyone is worth reading about, and I am one of everyone. Another reason is that I think my life would be interesting to some people. I am a 20 year old Bahraini girl, who comes from a fairly liberal family. My mum is Iranian and my dad is Bahraini (but originally his ancestors were from Iran). I have 4 siblings, 3 of which are male and one female. My siblings are all older than me; and by older I mean REALLY older (the difference between me and the youngest of them is 16 years). So basically I am the baby of the house. All my siblings are married with kids except for one of them who is divorced and is staying with us. Now when it comes to the western culture it would be embarrassing if a 36 year old still lived with his parents, but in my culture it is totally acceptable.

So there you have it, my culture, my family, my work, my school, my AIESEC. All the things I hold close to my heart, all the things that make up who I am. All these things I will be posting on my blog.