Hopeless

Looking at the rain through these big windows at the office brought back memories that I didn’t want to remember. Rainy days are my favorite although I have a lot of bad memories with it. Today I went back to my first couple of months in Canada. Days that were very sad not only because I missed my family and friends, but because I had become something I was not. I went back to one particular day when I was sitting in the grass next to the football field and listening to classical Persian music. I was thinking of how I could have become so weak, how I lost all that passion for life. I know that if anyone from Bahrain saw me there he/she would not believe their eyes and would think that I am just acting.

In Bahrain I was very naughty at school and I enjoyed every second of it. But in Canada I had completely changed; I became a very shy person that could not look at people in the eye while walking in t he high school corridors. I felt so bad at that moment, I felt I was worthless. It was on that rainy day where I shed my first tears in Canada. It was on that rainy day where I walked through the heavy rain back home without even thinking of the classes I was missing. It felt like a movie; I was numb, the music was good, I was sad, I felt hopeless and I wanted to get the hell out of there.