Not so left out

Both times I traveled to Egypt, I had a wonderful time. The first time was earlier this month when we had our MEPI re-union; our group of 21 students from 15 Arab countries got back together in Egypt to share what we did with our lives and where we are heading after the summer leadership program. And the second time was the wonderful IPM. At the beginning I felt that it was a total mistake in me being there; I wasn’t MCPe and I definitely wasn’t MCP, so what was I doing there? The reason I was supposed to go was to see how the AIESEC International conferences were like and also to get some contacts for our exchange deals that we need to do for Bahrain. Well that sounded easy in the beginning but it was not the case; I felt like I knew nothing compared to the rest of the participants. They all came with bags of knowledge about AIESEC and the internships they had done and me, the spoilt khaleeji (from the GCC) girl knew nothing. I could not start a conversation with anyone because I felt like I had nothing important to say, besides when I would hear people talking to each other about AIESEC, I had no clue what they were saying. For Gods sake I have only in AIESEC for less than a year, I still have a long was to go.

Finally one afternoon I sat at a table with some people for lunch and they were having a typical conversation about AIESEC; the guy opposite to me was from India and he asked me how I was finding the conference, and I said that it was going alright. Next to me was the really cute MCP from Spain, he had the most difficult name in the world and have no clue what it is. He was saying that he wants to move on and that he might do an internship with AIESEC, so I asked him what type of internship he was looking for and he completely ignored me. I felt like they spilled acid onto my face, my face was burning up and I could not say a single word. It was the end of the conversation for me; I just looked at my plate and thought to myself, why I have so much food on my plate. What the hell was I thinking for taking so much food, no wonder I was fat. I swallowed what I had in my mouth and played around with the rest of what was in my plate and after a bit I left.

After that incident, I went into my own zone and completely stayed to myself. I would not start a conversation with anyone and would only sit and observe people. Until one morning when I was on my way to breakfast, I met a guy named Andries from Belgium and he was the sweetest thing ever. We walked together to the restaurant and he asked me the same question, how are you finding the IPM? And as usual I said it was good. When we got to the restaurant he met up with his friends and I started scanning the place for an empty seat; that is when he asked me to join them. I felt so happy, I put my things on the chair and went the buffet and only got coffee, feta cheese and a bun with some cucumber. I came back to find the table filled with people. I felt scared; what if they ignore me again, I could not handle another rejection. I sat down quietly and looked at Andries, he was having a conversation with one of the people at the table, and I just listened and kept quiet the whole time. Suddenly the girl from Canada said “that’s mean” and I looked at her and strange enough she was referring to my t-shirt that said “only idiots read t-shirts” I looked at her and couldn’t help but laugh; she smiled and made some comment about the food. The rest of the day went great I was filled with energy and was looking forward to the WENA Party that night.

So after the conference was over, people from the WENA region came with their bottles of drinks and setup their stands. Each country had a table and a sign with their country on it. I got in and saw people drinking and having a good time. I stood behind the stands and watched people get drunk and make fools of themselves. After they all had some alcohol, we all moved into the club because it was more airy and there was more space to dance around. Everyone was having fun; while I was sitting there and watching people I really began to admire them. Most if not all of them were very hardworking people who cared for the rest of the world and most of their days they spend doing good things for the betterment of others. These people sacrificed their careers for AIESEC and are giving this organization all they have because they believe this organization is for the betterment of the world. Most of them go through shit all the time, but yet when it comes to having fun, they are the first in line. I loved being there with them.

I left the club and went outside to the swimming pool and sat there observing the wind brushing the dirt on the water and the moonlight reflecting on the water. It was really late and very cold, but it was so quiet and calm that I wanted to stay there till morning. Some people passed by and asked me if everything was okay and I kept telling them I was fine; I truly was fine, I was just enjoying the silence. At around 4 am Andries was heading to his room when he saw me sitting next to the pool. He came and sat next to me and without him asking I told him I was fine and there was nothing wrong, and he could go to bed. She sat anyways and said he liked the silence as well. Out of nowhere I started talking about my family and what I went through and how they will react when I tell them that I’m planning to live abroad for the next coming few years. That was pretty deep stuff to tell to a guy whom I hardly knew; he started spilling some things as well. It felt good after the conversation; we walked back quietly to our rooms together but the silence meant so much. We talked a bit more and called it a night. It was a night I will never forget.