A True Failure

All my life I am seen as a leader by my friends, my teachers, my family, my colleagues. Today I have realized that I am nothing of that sort. Anytime I am the leader of a group everything goes wrong. I either don’t have enough people in my team or they just don’t attend. Does a leader ever exist without people who believe in him or her?

In AIESEC, I have the smallest team of six people and you would think that it would be easy to manage a team of that size but it is driving me crazy. Most meetings are just attended by 2 or maximum 3 members. I have tried with all sorts of ways being from emails to sms to calling them up and encouraging them to come but nothing seems to be getting to them. They might attend for one meeting and then lack off again.

My Student Life Organization team is even worse. During the years at university I invested most of my time to this team as different leading positions within the team and after not given the chance of leading the whole team by being president, I decided to leave since I had been humiliated after giving so much and nothing being appreciated. I was given the position after everyone had left and the organization had collapsed. Now I am trying to run an organization that had more than 30 members with only 3. Me, my vice and my events manager.

At work I have always been given the most difficult tasks; Tasks that no one else wants to do or tasks that are incomplete and should be completed with a headache. Yesterday I heard my boss say to his assistant whatever problems you have with cases give it to Shereen. Most times I get the job done, after running around the whole day and bugging the people to process what I need. But when I don’t get it done, I feel like there is no need for my presence if I can’t finish a task given to me by my superiors.

The three things that I hold close to my heart and work my ass off all day for them have been a total failure when it comes to me doing them. So what do these people (friends, teachers, professors, colleagues) see in me that I don’t see? Maybe they don’t see my downfalls but here I’m letting you all know what RELLY happens.

I might be a failure but I am proud of myself, I’m proud of every sweat I have put into anything I do because whenever I do it, I do it whole heartedly. I do it not for selfish reasons but for the betterment of everyone. I might not always get things done, but at least I try and God knows I try HARD. There is not much left for my terms to end but I promised myself that when I leave, I will leave the organizations better than I started and this is what I am planning to do. I am a failure; but I am one hell of a good failure.