Fit right back in...

On my way to Iran, I was stuck in between two old ladies on the plane. On my left hand side was an old Iraqi women who was going back home to Iraq from Mecca; on my right was an Iranian who lived in Washington DC and was on her way to Iran to see her family. Sitting in between these two women was very Ironic because I have always felt that I belonged to both sides (not necessarily Iraqi but Arab), but the problem is that Arabs and Iranians don’t necessarily get along very well. It was funny that in the airplane there were Arabs and Iranians and both of them thought they were better than the other and both of them commented on what each other was doing wrong and made fun of the other in their own language.

The Iraqi woman one my left for some reason was very interested in me, she kept asking me question like what I studied? If I was married? How old I was? Where I lived etc; turned out this was not just out of curiosity but because she wanted me for her son who lived and worked in Iraq!! She even asked me for my cell number which I don’t know why in the world I gave her (I guess it doesn’t matter because I will rarely be using that cell phone since I keep on jumping from country to country). After having an extensive conversation with the Iraqi about my life and her life back in Iraq, I moved on to the Iranian. One of her first obvious questions was if I was Iranian. I told her that my mother was Iranian which in return she concluded that I am Iranian. I then told her that my father was Bahraini and I have lived my whole life in Bahrain and therefore I am stuck in between. With this woman we talked about life in the US and the life of Iranians living and getting married outside the US (funny enough both women opened up the conversation about marriage).

When I got out, four of my cousins were waiting for me and for some reason felt like I was just with them. Driving through the streets of Shiraz felt like I never left this place. We dropped by my Uncle’s house to say hi and drop off one of my cousins; then we moved on to our house. We arrived home had dinner, showed them some pictures of my trips and the family back home and went to sleep at around 3 am. Next morning I visited my grandmother; it was as if they had preserved her for me, she looked exactly the same as the last time I left her. Same hair, same wrinkles, same smile, same attitude…I love her; she annoys me at times but I love her dearly. After staying there for a while two of my aunts dropped by to say hi and I loved it. For lunch we moved on to my favorite aunt’s house; for some reason I get along with this aunt quiet well and everyone back home tells me that we have a lot in common. I love her. We had lunch, washed the dishes and chilled out together. My cousins all slept (as this is something everyone does after lunch) Me and my aunt sat and talked for 3 hours, she told me stories of the family, who got married, who died, how they died, what happened in their mourning; stories of random people she met on the streets or while waiting for doctor’s appointments, stories of when she was a kid and much more.

In the evening me, my cousins and their friends went out for dinner; I had the usual Iranian pizza which was fabulous. After laughing all night, we came back to my aunt’s house and I slept there for the night.

This trip has been easy for me so far; I fit in very easily as if I never left this place. Doesn’t really feel like home but feels so good with my family. I love the random laughing, the stories, the weather, the food, the family gatherings, the everything.

Mixed Feelings...

The last three days in Turkey were a lot of fun. I got to hang out with the girls and have some really deep talk. Also I got to know Mariam Kamal much better and realized that we have a lot I common. I’m glad I spent the extra days with these wonderful people from Bahrain. The streets of Istanbul were full of life yet for some reason I felt so lonely.

Tonight I’m leaving to Iran; meeting my family after two years is going to be very exciting. I’m sure I won’t be able to satisfy everyone with such a short time. Everyone would want me to go either for lunch or dinner at their house which will be impossible since the family is huge.

I will also be spending Ramadan there which is something new. I have always wanted to see what Ramadan was like in Iran and this year I will have the freedom to experience that. I will also have the time and space to fill in my application to Abu Dhabi more contentedly.

Mixed feelings…

Disappointed

So finally I made it to the biggest AIESEC conference of the year, the International Congress (IC) in Turkey. I really enjoy spending time with amazing people from all over the world. This AIESEC conference has been very different for me; I no longer see AIESECers the same way, I don’t know if I have lost the fling for them or I have in a way moved on. I have in some way calmed down, I don’t enjoy role calls like I used to, I don’t enjoy talking about my achievements anymore, I for some reason don’t have the passion to talk about my country anymore. Maybe I just expected more out of AIESECers; I expected them to be more mature, more independent, stronger…

I am really disappointed with this conference; In terms of content it has not satisfied me a lot. The conference has been a great Networking opportunity but I wanted to get more from it and unfortunately I haven’t yet.
Delegates are not really responsible; a lot of people come late; people talk during sessions & speeches, a lot of people doze off and sleep during sessions; people cut all the time and much more. Almost everyone in this conference is on the Leadership team, and for these people to act the way they do is very unprofessional.

All I am doing is complaining about this conference which is not necessarily a positive thing to do but hey I got to get it out.

In terms of the Bahraini delegation, I could never have wished for better people to represent Bahrain. Everyone loves the Bahraini Delegation and this is something that I am most proud of. Today they went through the Issue Based Experiences Certification and out of 5 projects; Bahrain’s name came out in two of the Projects (Entrepreneurship & Finance). What more could I want from a country who has had AIESEC only for one year and is an expanding country. We are growing and we are proud of it.

Lyna thanks for all the things you taught me about AIESEC; IC has been a piece of cake!!

I will miss BMI

Thursday was my last day at work. I hadn’t really felt that I resigned until the last day; I really felt it when people would gather at my table and talk about the farewell party and what was needed in it. It suddenly hit me that I won’t be coming to work again. I won’t be waking up early every morning and rushing to work. I won’t be walking into the building and saying hi to the security guards on the ground floor. I won’t be walking out the elevator and seeing the security guard on the 6th floor with a wonderful smile wishing me a Good Morning. I won’t be entering the main door to see Khadija with a big smile wishing me a Happy Eid.

I’m going to miss my desk with the MEPI group picture on my PC. I’m going to miss the Credit Admin Department since I would pass by them every morning and Mansoori would make some kind of funny comment. I will truly miss the customers and their nagging on why we have charged them extra or why we have not put their money in a deposit and why we haven’t reduced their loans.

Although I always knew I am not a business person and I just studied business because my father wanted me to, I am really going to miss my work. For some reason I actually enjoyed my work; although it was frustrating but I enjoyed even the bad times. I enjoyed nagging over Faby to pass the entries he had to pass weeks before, I enjoyed telling Ali to pass the transfers ASAP, I enjoyed disturbing Ameeta with all the proposal requests.

Most of all I will miss my department. I will miss Mohammed’s so though bad temper (which by the way I think is not that bad, he is actually much sweeter than what people think about him). I will miss Ameer and him getting pissed at some clients but still wishing me a Happy Eid. I will miss Basim calling out my name every 5 minutes and when I go to his room, turns out he could have just gave me the message over the phone. I will miss Joy’s “Oh you are still here Shereen!” and telling me his life stories. I will miss Mona for pissing me off because she never picks up the rest of the team’s lines. Most of all I will miss Haifa; not only my colleague but a true friend and sister.

I will miss wafa, mariam, Cynthia, FCU, Chandran, Jalal, HR, IT, Ebtisam (even though I didn’t spend much time with her), Corporate, GTS, Operations, Treasury (specially Khalid) and defiantly Ahmed Gallaf!! Every single one. All of them have in one way or another impacted my life and have taught me something new, or reminded me of things and why I should try to enjoy and stay positive every day of my life.

I will miss wishing people a Happy Eid and Merry Christmas in the heart of summer. I will miss singing them seasons of love (525,600 minutes). I will miss BMI!

Summer

Summer has arrived and a lot of memories have come with it. The feeling when I use to come back to Bahrain for the summer and meet up with my friends. This year is very different; everyone I know is either leaving of have already left the country. Summer days have become boring with me going to work and the evenings are filled with my last couple of classes. Weekends are a total bore. I don’t like going out anymore; it’s very difficult for me to put up with people’s expectations. In a way it’s sickening me.

I’ve gone back to my old Iron Maiden and Megadeth CDs that I used to listen to when I was younger. Many of the lyrics I feel I have heard for the first time. Maybe it’s because I can actually relate to them now and I understand the deeper meaning to what they are saying.

Life has been tough the last couple of years. Things did not come or happen easily. I was hurt over and over by family and friends, and yet I still managed to make my way. Almost everyone doubts my instincts and the decision I have taken for my future but this time I am not letting go easily. I will do what I want to do even if people think I will fail. I don’t believe in failure, I believe in experiences and no matter what someone dies they learn. Sometime we learn with a cost and other times it comes easily, but they always say if you pay for something then only will you know it’s worth. Maybe I need to understand the worth of my current life and appreciate it later on in my life. Maybe then I will learn. But for now I need a change and its time.

Living the Good Life

The last couple of days have been really good to me. Since my brother traveled with his family, I have taken over their property. I drive from their home to work and then go to university and later come back home and just chill out. I either go for a swim or lay back and watch a movie or documentary. I keep imagining the rest of my life this way, it is possible and it is good.

What else would anyone want I eat, sleep, make money and chill. Why do I need friends for? Friendship is really a headache; if you don’t call them they complain, if you call a lot your phone bill complains. If you go out with them, it’s always the same people talking about the same subjects sitting at the same table at the same coffee shop or restaurant all the time. It sickens me at times.

I’m looking forward to the coming month; a month to just chill and relax.

I’m living the good life!!

What the Future Holds

I resigned from work last week; something I wanted to do for so long. But now that I actually did it, I’m scared. I don’t know if that was the right decision. The last couple of years I worked so hard studying and working and being so active in out so called society and now what I do with it?? I’m leaving it all behind and walking away.

I’ve been hoping to get to go to IC since last year and have been thinking about it all the time; and now that I am going, I’m not that excited about it anymore.

Brazil? Germany? Iran? Japan? Bahrain? I don’t know what to do. It seems like no matter what I do I will never be happy because my parents are never happy with me.

Let’s see what the future holds; maybe something good will come out of it.